
Independence vs. Dependence
March 26, 2020
If I Could Have Sex One Last Time?
April 23, 2020
Independence vs. Dependence
March 26, 2020
If I Could Have Sex One Last Time?
April 23, 20200 Comments
Body Confidence for Thought
Every morning I had a habit of waking up energized for the day, dressing up, and ensuring that I looked and felt good - not only about myself, but about the day I had to face. But many times I stood in the mirror and took forever to convince myself that I actually looked good. I questioned my skin tone, the spots on my face, the marks on my legs, and even the length of my hair.
Not that there was something I could do about all this, it's just made me question my beauty. If I was good enough. If a guy would actually notice me with all these 'deformities'. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to have a nice flat stomach, which of course wasn't possible. I wanted long hair, but that was beyond me. But it never stopped me from expecting to be more than I was.
"I kept preaching to myself about body confidence and self-love, but it seems I wasn't doing a good job because I always doubted myself."
You see before I was diagnosed with HIV I had TB - twice for that matter - and for the longest time I struggled with adding weight. The doctors kept giving me supplements so that I could add weight, and nothing was happening. For a long time I was mocked by my friends, some saying the wind could carry me. All that while I wished and prayed to add weight and finally those prayers were answered! And here again I was complaining about the weight I had been praying for almost six years.
You see it's not every day that you get everything perfect. I kept telling myself that I looked good and sexy enough. I kept preaching to myself about body confidence and self-love, but it seems I wasn't doing a good job because I always doubted myself.
"I am learning not to compare myself with other people. Instead I need to love me for me."
At the end of the day some of us, if not all of us, at some point struggle with body acceptance. We question how we look, how people will see us, and how they will think of us if we are not perfect enough - but I am beginning to understand it all. It's not about how they think we look, but it's about how we feel we look.
I am not sure if I should add anything else, but one last thing: I am learning not to compare myself with other people. Instead I need to love me for me.