By Jyoti Dhawale

Marriage is hard work that requires two hands to clap. Right now one hand is paralysed. The one-sided relationship is not what I call a "relationship". It's more like a person labouring hard, hoping and waiting, draining out all the energy just like watering too much on the plant. The result? Depression, lower self-esteem, and insecurity (similar to that of a plant which gets wrinkled and dies by over-caring).

Staying in a one-sided marriage needs a lot of effort. It requires you to be strong both emotionally as well as mentally because there are times one will break down. You need to be aware of the negative energy around you and all the time in alert mode so that you can protect and safeguard yourself. Try to surround yourself with positivity and keep yourself busy with activities which rarely would give you time to think. And most importantly, just OBSERVE the happenings around you, don't overreact (or even try defending yourself or correct the person). Just observe – because sometimes it may not be you who is at fault or having a problem.

Also, having a stable job is a MUST. Forget "stable", at least have a job. You need to be independent - so that when things go wrong, at least you have something saved for the rainy day. Also, remember that being independent will unburden your partner with additional pressures. You are able to take care of yourself and meet your own demands – yes, it is a responsibility of a spouse to contribute to the household income too but when you are independent and working, the demand for more or extra money won't arise unless necessary.

Know that it is not easy to stay within the marriage – be it a mixed status couple or two people living with HIV. It takes hard work, understanding the respective partner's struggle and coping with HIV. This is true not just for HIV but for any illness, be it HIV, cancer, diabetes, etc.

I speak from my experience. I thought I had the best of everything until the reality set in and it hit hard – which I regret – that I resigned from my job, believing that my husband would always be there for me, come rain or sunshine. All that is an illusion – reality is quite different. In the beginning, everything looks beautiful. But as time passes by, things change. There is no "why me", it just happens.

Very few are lucky to have a supportive husband/wife who can sincerely be at your side till death do us apart. But if you really want to work in your marriage, you need to love yourself first, get a job, get involved in activities, meet other people, and do things you love and that make you happy.

And if all else fails and you still suffer from emotional abuse then leave the house, knowing that it is not just a phase and you have given yourself hundred percent. Mental health is important.

A version of this article was originally featured in the blog, A Girl Like Me on September 15^th, 2016, here.