Traumatic life histories are highly prevalent in women living with HIV. This is not true for us all, but it seems to be a heavy thread binding us all as a community.

One in two women living with HIV in the United States, for example, have experienced violence from a partner that she was intimate with. In Canada, one in six women have acquired HIV through sexual assault.

High rates of gender-based violence and HIV vulnerability are also reported in research from India, Tanzania, South Africa, Papua New Guinea, Uganda, Togo, and Benin. Yet studies of trauma and trauma-recovery in our communities are very rare.

Extreme acts of violence such as this have deep roots in gender inequality. Other systemic issues, like racism, poverty, violent conflict, and stigma against HIV, sex work, drug use, and one’s gender or sexual identity, create a compound effect.

Most of us associate trauma with severe physical or sexual abuse. But trauma can be defined as any significant negative life event that shaped us. This can include everything from a diagnosis with HIV to bullying, rejection, verbal abuse, neglect, and much more.

Trauma means and feels different to us all.

My own trauma had a huge effect on my health. I would use drugs and sex to escape from things I didn’t understand. Sneaking out and getting into trouble became my daily driver.

I thought I was reclaiming or owning who I was… but I was just putting myself in harm’s way. It relieved my symptoms of pain temporarily, but it didn’t address the root causes of my trauma.

"Reach out, connect to your community and share your stories of resilience and strength. The more we build each other up and share our knowledge the closer we can be to healing our collective trauma."

After I was diagnosed with HIV I had hard time, like most of us. For me it was a traumatic moment. But after some time, I made the effort to engage and reach out to the HIV community. Meeting my peers had an overwhelming effect on me. I realized I wasn’t alone. That people where thriving and could understand my trauma of diagnosis and could help me heal.

Such diversity in the positive community! From our genders, sexuality, race, religion. The people I met were incredible and so different. The only thing connecting us all is that we are living with HIV. But this thread of trauma also binds us…

So how do we heal, as individuals and as the diverse body of positives? How do we heal as a collective?

Reach out, connect to your community and share your stories of resilience and strength. The more we build each other up and share our knowledge the closer we can be to healing our collective trauma.

"Healing is a life long journey. I hope your journey will be filled with moments of strength and joy"

My journey to heal from my past begun many years into my HIV diagnosis. Maybe it was the catalyst, maybe HIV cut through so much bullshit, making me realize that a lot didn’t matter and that those in my life did. That I mattered because I mattered to them. Whatever it was, it happened. And I began to heal.

I have a lot of healing to still do, things that are not connected to my HIV diagnosis and some things that are. There are some things I may never heal from. But as life goes on we grow and connect. I heal myself everyday by walking my dogs, riding my bike, enjoying sex and my body. I also see a counselor once a week and read books that inspire me. I heal myself everyday by working in the HIV community, building capacity of my peers to see them thrive.

Healing is a life long journey. I hope your journey will be filled with moments of strength and joy. And in your moments of darkness that you have your community wrap their arm around you and you find your strength, because you are a beautiful, resilient women!

What are your ways to heal and find joy in life?