As the four ladies were watching the sunset, with wine glasses in their hands, the conversation didn’t drift away from their previous sexual experiences. Linda couldn’t help herself as she laughed so hard and all knew that she had something to share. Laughing through the tears, she started to share her story.

"You have to understand! Here I was with this guy for our first date. When we finally parted ways, I was left nursing my clit, my breasts felt as if I was involved in a boxing match, and my mind was still in shock. You see, the dinner we had before sex was wonderful. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I mean, the sexual chemistry was undeniable!

I knew I wanted to have sex with him but honestly, I was kind of expecting him to lead. Because, as a conservative woman, I was always taught that sex is something done to a woman, not done with her. I had no idea at the time that this community-held belief—that I am only a receiver and should be led by him—is a myth.

Eventually, we ended up back at my place, as agreed. Before I knew it, we were having a very strange foreplay” she half giggles and half cries. “The reality of this foreplay was quite hilarious as I watched him turning my breasts as if he is tuning the radio. Now, with my eyes wide open, and as my breasts were shouting and screaming, the tipsiness I had felt from the alcohol we consumed was subsiding. All of a sudden, he was down on my vulva. I swear, he sucked my clit as if there was no tomorrow. I screamed so loud but somehow, he mistook my scream as a sound of enjoyment. I said I like it gentler—politely, of course, as I didn’t want to hurt his ego but I also needed to minimize the pain to my clit. Why do we teach girls to be so polite rather than assert themselves?

Slowly, he continued, but now I was as sober as a judge. My eyes were about to come out of my face as my mind couldn’t comprehend what the heck was happening. I was no longer horny. Instead, I was watching him as he was seemingly having the time of his life. Before I knew it, our two minutes of pleasure and pain were done, and I couldn’t be happier. I also felt disappointed; disappointed in myself and in him somehow. My mind was like, “what the hell just happened?” I knew that what just happened, whatever it was, could not happen ever again—with him or anyone else.”

The conversation now took a more serious tone. The girls all agreed that Linda had an obligation to herself to teach this new guy how she preferred to be sexually pleasured.

Zoe said “sexual pleasure belongs to the people involved at that moment, equally. This mindset that we should take what is given to us needs to end. What works for me may not necessarily work for another person. Hence, it’s crucial to talk about what you like and dislike as you go along. Sex is for enjoyment; once we realize that, we realize sex should not harm anyone in the process. Heck, people have acquired diseases, like HIV, that could have been prevented if both parties were open and honest about what they want and would prefer. It is okay to pleasure ourselves as well, so that we can teach our partners what we want and how we want it. There are so many sex toys currently that we could explore to bring understanding to ourselves so that it may be easier to guide our partners.”

The girls continued to chat about their hilarious sexual experiences as the night went by, each coming up with a story that would make them laugh so loud that people nearby would give them curious looks. But they were teaching one another in a way. Now that they were older and feeling more liberated sexually, they were free to discuss what they couldn’t only a few years back.

They all agreed that this topic should never be a once off.

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