I had recently gone through a traumatic separation from the father of my children and was suffering from feelings of depression, regret, and wondering what went wrong.

One day I attended an event with other people living with HIV. A good friend of mine said to me, “Why don’t you try online dating?” He knew I was feeling down about the separation, but also feeling down about not having someone special in my life.

I felt like I was over the hill, too old, no one will want me, etc... Then he told me not to be silly and gave me information about a website that he had used to meet other people living with HIV.

I was hesitant at first to use a website. I was fearful of the unknown, fearful of rejection, and overall uneasy about actively looking for someone. Also, I didn’t have much faith in finding someone in my small country of New Zealand. The pool seemed very shallow.

He then boosted my confidence by saying, “You’ll be snatched up within a week!”

So, at 45 years old, as a single mother of two living with HIV who had never done online dating before and who felt absolutely terrified, I gave it a go!

I didn’t have much faith that I would meet anyone that would sweep me off my feet.

I had no expectations. I didn’t think it would work at all and I already had a variety of judgements in my mind. For instance, I thought it was a ‘cheesy’ way to meet people—so cliche and predictable. Also, I had seen friends on dating sites go through a lot of drama to finally ending up with ‘The One’.

I really thought it would take a long time to sift through the profiles, initiate conversation, and eventually settle on a partner. I didn’t have much faith that I would meet anyone that would sweep me off my feet. I had low expectations and, to be honest, wasn’t very hopeful.

First of all, I knew emotionally that I needed to be prepared to do things I had never done before. I was always a shy girl and would sit back and wait for partners to seek me out. So here I was, taking a leap and doing something that I felt was slightly tawdry—with some level of guilt as a mother. I was feeling concerned for my children as I didn’t want to go from relationship to relationship. So it was a huge risk for me to try online dating.

I have had relationships with men not living with HIV as well as men living with HIV. I wanted to first have a look at someone living with HIV before taking the huge risk of trying to get into a serodiscordant relationship.

Looking back, part of me was secretly hoping it would be a futile effort.

After having a little bit of a browse around various dating sites, particularly on Positive Singles, I found about five possibilities in my country, some of whom were only an hour away. This was after weeding out the bad ones, including a man who said he was looking for a cook and a cleaner—basically, someone to wait on him (definitely no!).

So I took a risk and boldly sent a message to the five. These five had no profile pictures, very little information about them in their descriptions and almost seemed a little hesitant about online dating success. Looking back, part of me was secretly hoping it would be a futile effort.

And then one replied.

We exchanged photos and oh my gosh, I found his photo very attractive! He found mine very attractive too. We exchanged phone numbers. And that is how it all started.

I guess you would call it love at first click! It was my first ever attempt at online dating and I hit the jackpot...within a WEEK!

Before I knew it, days turned into months, months turned into years... And I was completely swept off my feet! Head over heels in love, more than any previous partners. I have never felt this intense love for someone. I had given up on ever finding love like this, and then, there he was: My Twin Flame, My Knight, My Happy Place.

If I was to offer advice to other single women thinking about dating online, it would be have an open mind, an open heart, and take a risk. You never know what might happen!

Stay tuned to find out how we ‘got to’ this ‘Happy Place’.

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Join the conversation! Comment below. Tell us, have you ever tried online dating? How did it work out?