By Lisa R Watkins

Apparently, society has put the stamp of taboo on the topic of sex. You can hear the gasp of disdain from the crowd as you read. Let’s say that again. Sex! Yes, people, it exists and it’s an awesome past time activity. Whether you like it in the style of vanilla or just hardcore fucking, you’re free to express yourself. Did you hear that? Crickets.

No one wants to have the public conversation about sex, especially when it comes to being a person living with HIV. Let’s be real. Years ago, and sadly, today, there are still those that frown upon the thought of HIV and sex being in the same sentence. However, if you look at the facts, science, and statistics, talking about sex should be easy and shame-free, regardless of a person’s HIV status. Let’s distill these myths together while ending stigma branched around sex and HIV.

“So, how do you have sex?” This, of course, is an alarming question for those of us who have been asked. Here’s a quick explanation for those of you who haven’t. The person is inquiring about how a person living with HIV has sexual intercourse. There is nothing I despise more than when a person assumes that people living with HIV fuck any differently than those who are not. To be quite honest, people living with HIV are just as sexually adventurous, if not more. We also have the right to express our sexuality however we please.

With the necessary precautions, we can fuck upside down and right side backwards if we want. No kink or fetish shaming here. Precautions are suggested only to protect both ourselves and our sexual partner(s), and include contraceptives, disclosure, and adequate knowledge about HIV and how it is contracted and transmitted. These things are vital to having a safe and sexy sex life.

People living with HIV are still human and we deserve love, peace and respect along with a happy and healthy sex life

Let’s talk contraceptives briefly. Most people believe that contraceptives only include birth control, but it also includes condoms (both male and female), dental dams, and the morning after pill. Some of these methods work to help prevent both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and in some cases can transform your sex life to be fun, safe, and sexy.

Next up, we have disclosure. First and foremost, you must know disclosure is always your decision. It is your right to decide whether or not to disclose, including to whom, how, when, where, and why. This is entirely your choice. It is important to note that disclosing to a sexual partner is also a choice, but you need to be aware of any obligations to disclose under the law. Though this is sad, it’s true. HIV criminalization is real and legal obligations to disclose before sex can vary depending on where you live.

Last, we have knowledge.  Everyone knows that knowledge is power; therefore, educating yourself and your partner(s) about HIV is the best thing going. Assuming you have already safely disclosed, educating your partner about HIV can build a strong bond and increase opportunities for the sex life you desire. U=U is a simple but hugely important fact: people with an undetectable viral load are untransmittable.

In the end, responding to the crazy questions some of us may get lead to one huge conclusion: People living with HIV are still human and we deserve love, peace and respect along with a happy and healthy sex life. So, if someone approaches you and asks, “Well, how do you fuck?”, are you prepared to answer?