Growing up, I used to hear people talk about HIV as though it was a very dreadful disease (which it was at the time). I remember my classmates and I used to joke that if anyone ever found out they had HIV, the best thing to do was to just kill themselves. Little did I know, I had been living with HIV since birth and the disease was living in my body. Just waiting. Wow! The realization of my status came later on in my life and I could never come to terms with telling any of my friends. I just kept in mind all the nasty things we used to say about HIV! How would I admit that karma was a bitch to me?

The reason am writing this piece is because of the ignorance that is out here. Imagine growing up in this new era of HIV treatment and still believing HIV is a killer disease. People are still blinded and foolish enough to assume this is true. You can't imagine the reality when it's so far from home, but when it does hit home, what a wake up call!

This ignorance has made life unbearable for adolescent girls and young women living with HIV. The burden we carry is disclosure. The (often legal) need to disclose our HIV-status to every man we meet and could potential have sex with is killing our women. Literally. I will call these men the "meanwhile" because these are not people who stay long in your life. They are like seasonal rivers. I am no exception to them.

Matchmaking always seemed odd to me. I used to hear my aunties talk about marriage and this huge bus that would stop in each village every fortnight with maidens who would hop on and be dropped off at their selected husband doorstep. Where was the bus coming from? What if you were dropped at someone who is not your cup of tea? Are you allowed to move to the next stop? I don’t know if these things happen in developed countries but they do happen in Africa.  Funny, right? When the time came for my bus to pick me up, I would often ride in the bus looking for a better stop over.

My first bus stop was exciting, if you read my first article you will understand where I am coming from. Gaddamn! This guy was everything I thought of a man, he was built like a posh house. Every detail was in check. We had our fair share of roughness, debaucheries and sadly I ghosted on him.

My next bus stop was kind great, I disclosed my status very early and the guy was rather okay with it. The only problem was that it was a long distance relationship, which to me at that time felt it wasn’t working. In my head: here is a guy with a girlfriend who has HIV and is living far away from him. What would have held him back from having another convenient affair with another girl? I wouldn’t take a risk that big so I called it quits with him.

Then came this other stop. It was those stops you get off because your friend is getting off too. I met this guy; our first meet up was at our house. How cool was that? He came as the sun was setting and I think the reflection of the sun was on him and I thought 'wow'. He looked beautiful. I loved this man. He had known about my status through his cousin already. We hit it off right away.

We had a pretty great time in the beginning and at some point we had raw sex (if we were sober this would not have happened). He had to take PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) and I saw him through it all. I knew he was the one because he didn’t remind me every day that I was HIV positive.  Little did I know it was all lies. He was a scam, a cheater, liar.... you name it. I realized this 6-7 months down the line and I was scared of leaving him. I thought to myself: who will love me as he did? So, I endured until I couldn’t anymore and I decided it was time.

At this point in my life I had reached a point where I was okay not boarding any other bus because I thought these buses were not considerate of people living with HIV.  That, and the stops were not meeting my expectations. I stayed for quite a while at the bus stop and it reached a point I started questioning everything. What if the bus I had boarded was the only bus? What if another bus had passed me by without me noticing? Was I at the right bus stop? I think pressures from my peers having boyfriends, fears of dying as a lonely bitch, and wanting to belong made me want to have someone in my life but I felt I was not ready. I had a lot to offer and they had little to offer

Of all of these men, none of them had shared their status. Surprising as it sounds, that is the reality facing most of young people. We live by the phrase "what you don’t know, won’t kill ya" and do you know how many people die by this phrase? In Kenya, 97 people are infected with HIV daily and you can bet that the majority are young people.

" People living with HIV no longer see it as a big deal but I will tell you what is the big deal, issues that are not spoken about and those are what we generally share but no one wants to talk to us, allow us to talk about them and we end up feeling miserable and at the end we stop taking our ART."

Efforts are tirelessly being made to ensure that stigma and discrimination are non-existent but people have elevated their mode of stereotyping and with this, we are at a standstill. Human-based approaches should be the way we treat each other. People living with HIV no longer see it as a big deal but many people who don't have HIV do. I will tell you what is the big deal: issues that are not spoken about and those are what we generally share but no one wants to talk to us, allow us to talk about them and we end up feeling miserable and at the end we stop taking our ART.

And with that said, my final bus came right to me, at my home. I didn’t go looking for it. I didn’t beg for it to come. You better believe I boarded it and I was dropped off with the ideal man I had pictured myself with. I have been with him for a while now. Truth be told, the journey has been an eye-opener. Maybe someday I will write about my current relationship or I may never write about it. Not because I am biased of this one but it because in this relationship I had passed through hoops and I didn’t want that. I had drawn my ideal man, place things I wanted to see with him and voila this was it. If I will ever write about it, be sure to grab your popcorn, lay back because you will be in for a bumpy, sensational ride.

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Join the conversation! Share your thoughts below in the comments section: What are your thoughts on the misconceptions around HIV ? How can we collectively combat the stigma in our communities?