Things are not as black and white as they once were in the dating world. As a single mother of three children, my decisions revolve around how the family will be affected. Since my divorce, I knew that I had a painful journey of healing ahead of me before I could bring another person into my personal space. My children as well needed to understand and accept that the family they once knew was no more.

I had to learn to be kinder to myself, to trust my instincts once again, to believe in me being a complete person, to rediscover myself as an individual, and, above all, to fall in love with myself again. Before I could start in the dating scene, I had to be brutally honest with myself about what I wanted in a partner and what were my deal breakers. As a result, I had to let go of some promising gentleman who unfortunately had some deal breakers.

“ I had to learn to be kinder to myself, to trust my instincts once again, to believe in me being a complete person, to rediscover myself as an individual, and, above all, to fall in love with myself again.”

Dating is not easy no matter which stage of life one may be; I don’t know about you but in my experience, the older one gets the more difficult it becomes. It may be because I have come to understand how precious time is, and, therefore, I have no intentions of wasting my own or someone else’s. Or maybe it is because of the fact that I have a long list of deal breakers, or better yet, because I focus on what the relationship means for my children too.

This, however, has not spared me from being drawn into a web of those who I found intended to waste my time. As any woman in the dating field, I have not been spared the experience of meeting funny and strange characters. Interestingly, I also met those who were hurting and looking for anything or anyone to heal or numb their pain. Most potential partners at my age are divorced, some are widowed, and some are separated; they are looking for the benefits of having a woman without being vulnerable due to knowing how it feels to be heartbroken.

I sometimes wonder if I will ever meet the right partner, but I am happy being alone than being with the wrong person. My sanity and the protection of my children are non-negotiable. The dating pool is not so large, especially considering what I want. At my age, being realistic is the only way I stand to get the right partner. The things I looked for when I was a young woman have changed. When I was younger I looked mostly on the outside, he had to be handsome, have a body of a model (or close), and he couldn’t be bald. But those things don’t matter much anymore. Experience has taught me that some things need time to be revealed and so lately, I allow time to reveal them. I am now looking for a partner not another child to raise. I am looking for a person who has a potential to be a good father figure to my young children. I am looking for a person who is mature enough to understand that I am a mother first before being a partner to him. I am looking for a person who will make it his mission to understand the virus I host and what impact it has on me.

“ I am looking for a person who is mature enough to understand that I am a mother first before being a partner to him.”

The experiences I have gone through as a young woman have made me to work on who I am. I have come to understand how important it is to be your partners cheerleader, supporter, and motivator. The value of communications in every form and understanding what makes my partner be the best version of himself is one other way I’d complement him as we hold hands growing together. Time has made me value honesty so that there is no uncertainty from me. Love and respect are the two pillars my relationship shall be based on. I do believe that somewhere in this world someone is looking for what I have to offer and I am looking for what he has on hand. I am indeed looking forward to meeting with him; my dream man.

Being a feminist in a patriarchal society excludes many other males, as I strongly believe in equality regardless of gender. I do not conform in the many boxes which women are expected to fit in. I have been told quite several times that I am a rebel. As a mother who is raising both sexes, I am showing my sons how to treat a woman and I am showing my daughter that she is enough. When I do find someone worthy of introducing to my children and to commit to, it will be a person who understands and embraces every aspect of my life in its totality and I am comfortable in embracing his as well. Until then, I will be single and enjoy myself.

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