I LOVE giving and receiving oral sex! Just call me a fellatio enthusiast.
When done correctly, it’s like a short trip to heaven. No teeth, lots of tongue, and a bit of fingering action. Don’t forget to slurp up the juices, please and thank you!
I get excited just thinking about it. There’s something about a warm tongue wrapped around my clit that drives me to orgasmic levels of pleasure—and I am not alone.
According to a recent study, many women enjoy oral sex more than any other sexual activity. In fact, this same study reported that more than 70% of cisgender women credit their orgasms and enhanced pleasure during intercourse to direct clitoral stimulation. I couldn’t do anything but smile when I read this. I have never felt so understood by statistical data.
Before I go any further, however, this must be said. As a woman, I face different battles than my male counterparts. One of which is the taboo subject of sex and pleasure. There are many different barriers that women face in the bedroom and many of these barriers are things that society has placed on us due to social norms. I refuse to prescribe to these stereotypes.
Women must feel free to openly discuss what they want in a sexual relationship. Not only will it make for better sex, but also there is power in putting sex—particularly positive aspects of sex—back into sexuality, especially for women living with HIV.
Throughout my writings on this platform, I hope to start conversations that will help dismantle the stigma and shame associated with women and HIV. Your respectability politics—attempts to govern the behaviours of our community to make us fit within mainstream society—won’t end HIV stigma, racism, sexism, or any form of social injustice.
I own my pleasure and I hope my readers can too. Developing, maintaining, and pursuing a happy sexual life should be available to everyone. Me reclaiming my sexuality, as a queer, young, woman of colour living with HIV has been life saving for me.
Usually, when sex and HIV are in the same sentence, pleasurable sex is rarely the topic. As a HIV activist, I love facilitating workshops and trainings on a social movement that has been transformative for my own sex life: Sex Positivity. After receiving an HIV positive diagnosis in my early 20s, I thought my sex life was over until I heard this term.
In its simplest form, sex positivity, to me, means all sex is GOOD SEX if the sex is HEALTHY and CONSENSUAL. It also means the choice to not have sex is AWESOME too—if that’s what you’re into. Putting it differently, the Sex Positivity movement works to enlighten and empower people to embrace their sexual side—no matter how kinky, freaky, vanilla, or non-existent it may be.
We are sexual creatures by birth and our HIV diagnosis doesn’t mean we must stop embracing that, only that we need to be smarter on how we embrace it.
There is power in the tongue and there is nothing wrong with using it to pleasure someone. Whether you choose to use it on a clit, a nipple, or a ball sack, the choice is completely yours.
Just know that enjoyable sex is a human right and that women living with HIV are sexual beings who deserve pleasurable, satisfying sexual lives.
________________________________________________
February 2018, Available online here
Welcome to Life and Love with HIV. We want to make this community safe and enjoyable for everyone. So we have set a few rules to follow. Please read below our Terms of Use carefully. We may update these Terms from time to time, so please review them regularly. If you continue to browse and use this Site, you are agreeing to these Terms and any changes made therein. This is a legal agreement. If you do not accept these Terms, please do not use this Site.
Life and Love with HIV consists of material provided under the domain, www.lifeandlovewithhiv.ca (hereinafter referred to as the “Site”). The Site was designed by a diverse group of women living with HIV and allied sex and relationship researchers at Simon Fraser University’s Faculty of Health Sciences, in collaboration with ViVA and the International Community of Women Living with HIV.
All material provided on the Site is intended for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the advice of a qualified professional.
Copyright © Simon Fraser University. All rights reserved.
Certain words, phrases, names, designs or logos used on the Site may constitute trade marks, service marks or trade names of Simon Fraser University or other entities. The display of any such marks or names on the Site does not imply that Simon Fraser University or other entities have granted a license or authorization of any kind to use such marks or names.
In using the Site, you agree that you will not use any device, software or routine to interfere or attempt to interfere with the proper working of the Site. You agree that you will not use any robot, spider, other automatic device, or manual process to impose an “unreasonable or disproportionately large load” on SFU’s infrastructure. An “unreasonable or disproportionately large load” is one that prevents other members of the University community from gaining fair and equitable access to web-based systems and resources.
While every effort is made to ensure that all information provided on the Site does not contain computer viruses, you should take reasonable and appropriate precautions to scan for computer viruses and should ensure that you have a complete and current backup of the applicable items or information contained on your computer system. You should pay specific attention to some of the newer viruses that have been written to automatically execute when an infected word processing document is loaded into certain word processing programs.
The laws of the Province of British Columbia and the laws of Canada applicable therein shall govern as to the interpretation, validity and effect of this document, notwithstanding any conflict of laws provisions of your domicile, residence or physical location. You hereby consent and submit to the exclusive jurisdiction of the courts of the Province of British Columbia in any action or proceeding instituted under or related to your use of the Site.
Use of the Site is governed by Simon Fraser University’s policy on Fair Use of Information and Communications Technology.
Learn about copyright, what it covers, and how you can get permission to use someone’s copyrighted material.
Bring on the sex and love!!!!