The Power Of The Tongue: Talking Dirty After Diagnosis
Trans, HIV and Intimacy
July 21, 2018
My First Date With HIV
July 21, 2018
I LOVE giving and receiving oral sex! Just call me a fellatio enthusiast.
When done correctly, it’s like a short trip to heaven. No teeth, lots of tongue, and a bit of fingering action. Don’t forget to slurp up the juices, please and thank you!
I get excited just thinking about it. There’s something about a warm tongue wrapped around my clit that drives me to orgasmic levels of pleasure—and I am not alone.
According to a recent study, many women enjoy oral sex more than any other sexual activity. In fact, this same study reported that more than 70% of cisgender women credit their orgasms and enhanced pleasure during intercourse to direct clitoral stimulation. I couldn’t do anything but smile when I read this. I have never felt so understood by statistical data.
There are many different barriers that women face in the bedroom and many of these barriers are things that society has placed on us due to social norms.
Before I go any further, however, this must be said. As a woman, I face different battles than my male counterparts. One of which is the taboo subject of sex and pleasure. There are many different barriers that women face in the bedroom and many of these barriers are things that society has placed on us due to social norms. I refuse to prescribe to these stereotypes.
Women must feel free to openly discuss what they want in a sexual relationship. Not only will it make for better sex, but also there is power in putting sex—particularly positive aspects of sex—back into sexuality, especially for women living with HIV.
Throughout my writings on this platform, I hope to start conversations that will help dismantle the stigma and shame associated with women and HIV. Your respectability politics—attempts to govern the behaviours of our community to make us fit within mainstream society—won’t end HIV stigma, racism, sexism, or any form of social injustice.
I own my pleasure and I hope my readers can too. Developing, maintaining, and pursuing a happy sexual life should be available to everyone. Me reclaiming my sexuality, as a queer, young, woman of colour living with HIV has been life saving for me.
Usually, when sex and HIV are in the same sentence, pleasurable sex is rarely the topic.
Usually, when sex and HIV are in the same sentence, pleasurable sex is rarely the topic. As a HIV activist, I love facilitating workshops and trainings on a social movement that has been transformative for my own sex life: Sex Positivity. After receiving an HIV positive diagnosis in my early 20s, I thought my sex life was over until I heard this term.
In its simplest form, sex positivity, to me, means all sex is GOOD SEX if the sex is HEALTHY and CONSENSUAL. It also means the choice to not have sex is AWESOME too—if that’s what you’re into. Putting it differently, the Sex Positivity movement works to enlighten and empower people to embrace their sexual side—no matter how kinky, freaky, vanilla, or non-existent it may be.
We are sexual creatures by birth and our HIV diagnosis doesn’t mean we must stop embracing that, only that we need to be smarter on how we embrace it.
There is power in the tongue and there is nothing wrong with using it to pleasure someone. Whether you choose to use it on a clit, a nipple, or a ball sack, the choice is completely yours.
Just know that enjoyable sex is a human right and that women living with HIV are sexual beings who deserve pleasurable, satisfying sexual lives.
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Bring on the sex and love!!!!